All I Want
by Love-slave
Summary: Tatsuki finally gives in to what he wants and what he likes most... being held by Kotarou, but will Kotarou ever realize why it means so much? COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**beware the book six spoilers**

Hello, please review and let me know what you think. I have an idea for making this a few chapters long, if you'd like that, let me know in a review. Thanks, hope you like it.

By the way there just needs to be a LOT more Hands Off fanfiction... please write some?

**ALL I WANT**

Tatsuki hadn't been the same since Grandpa died. Neither of them had.

They didn't speak to each other at all any more, and Kotarou had just been getting use to the quiet 'good mornings' and light conversations. The house was too quiet now. Sometimes he got the urge to blare music in his system, but something held him back. He was afraid to brake the silence.

On the up-side his marks had been getting a lot better.

He looked up as the door to his bedroom creaked loudly open. Only one person that could be.

Tatsuki glanced at him fleetingly and looked back to the ground.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

Startled, Kotarou nodded.

He watched his cousin as he casually pushed himself onto the bed next to him and leaned against the wall. This wasn't like him.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, remembering the last time he'd failed to ask and ended up chasing Tatsuki all the way home.

His cousin shrugged. It was a stupid question he supposed. Of course something was wrong.

The silence dragged on and he shoved his school books out of his lap, giving up on finishing his homework. Homework was something he could rely on having everyday after school, but Tatsuki was different. A Tatsuki willing to come into his room to sit with him, especially. He had come here for a reason hadn't he? He wouldn't just drop in for a visit.

Kotarou racked his brain for something to say, but nothing came to mind except the incessant ticking of his clock. He really had to get rid of that thing. He glanced at Tatsuki noticing how close their arms were to touching, and how content Tatsuki seemed to just sit in silence next to him.

He found himself staring at their arms–almost brushing, and couldn't help pushing his hand the little distance further so that their wrists touched.

Tatsuki looked at him, startled.

"Do you ever think the house is too big?" Kotarou asked. He bit his lip at the spontaneous question.

Tatsuki looked away quickly. He stared down at the covers and nodded.

"It is too big for us," he said.

"...Maybe if we invited more people to live with us—."

"No. It's ours."

They lapsed into silence and Kotarou found himself concentrating once again on their touching wrists. Tatsuki hadn't pushed him away... They hadn't touched in a long time, not even brushing past each other. The last time was...

"Why did you do it?" Tatsuki suddenly asked.

Kotarou stared for a moment.

"Do what?" he finally asked.

Tatsuki looked away.

"Why did you–come after me–that night?"

That night... when Tatsuki was on a rampage just after Grandpa died. Kotarou shut his eyes, remembering the look in his cousins eyes when he'd seen him. But that wasn't what he was talking about.

"When I hugged you?"

Tatsuki stiffened slightly, but didn't pull away when Kotarou ran his fingers gently over his cousins, remembering the now soft fingers digging into his sides, and the ragged words against his neck.

'_...you hate me...what about me...who should I hate...?' _

He smiled.

"You were hurting," he said softly. "I couldn't let that happen, it was my fault."

Tatsuki turned to him sharply.

"No," he said. "It wasn't your fault."

"I said some stupid things to you—."

"You were upset—."

"I should have done it sooner."

Tatsuki fell silent and seemed to realize at once that he was practically on top of his cousin and pulled back. Settling back into his previous position.

Kotarou watched him a moment and shut his eyes. This was going no where.

He sat up and looked at the time six-forty.

"Come on," he said standing up. "Let's go."

Tatsuki looked up at him.

"Go where?"

Kotarou shrugged.

"I'll buy you a burger–you haven't eaten yet, have you?" Tatsuki shook his head. "Okay, good. And I'll call Yuuto and Mio, we haven't done anything all together in a while."

Tatsuki pushed off from the bed and the hint of a smile touched his lips. Kotarou's heart raced in sudden excitement. He hadn't seen Tatsuki smile in any way since he'd moved here...not since they were little kids. He'd thought his cousin had forgotten how, and now he was agreeing to hang out with him. With sudden dawning understanding, he realized that they were going to be friends again. He and Tak-kun...

He smiled brightly and Tatsuki touched a strand of his hair gently.

"You don't have to spend your money on me," he said.

Kotarou shook his head. No way was he giving this up.

"Just this one time," he said moving to the door. "I want to do something for you."

A hand caught his arm and he was pulled back suddenly into a tight embrace.

"Tatsuki—."

He pulled back trembling.

"This is all you have to do for me," he whispered, and quickly left the room.

Kotarou stared after him. A little numbly he sat down on his bed.

Was that what he had come here for? Did it make that much of a difference to him just having someone hug him? Having someone to hold?

If that was all Tatsuki needed to be himself and to be happy again... he should have said so a long time ago.

Tatsuki was always the one helping him, now it was Kotarou's turn.

END (for now)

If you want more review and let me know. ; ) (Next chapter Kotarou tries to get Tatsuki a girlfriend...while Yuuto laughs.)


	2. Chapter 2

AN: No... I haven't read the seventh book yet. That was all just wishful thinking of what _will_ happen in the seventh book. Good to know that it was convincing. :) ...still haven't got my hands on the next book...sigh.

Here's chapter two! Thanks everyone who reviewed I was a little worried with such a small fandom, but we can do it! Hoo-ha!

Chapter 2

"Please Mio! This is urgent!"

"Um... somehow, I don't think Chiba is Tatsuki's type..."

"That's because Tatsuki doesn't _have_ a type yet, but if they spend some time together, then she will be!"

"I don't think that's how it works," she said giggling.

"But–"

"Maybe you should ask Yuuto. He knows a lot of girls."

"You called?" Yuuto dropped dramatically over Mio's shoulder, as usual right on time. He grinned. "What's up?"

"Oh, hi Yuuto."

"Yuuto." Kotarou stared at his rather attractive best friend who raised his eyebrows.

"...yes?"

"You're just the man. I should have come to you sooner. I need to find a nice, good-looking girl who doesn't mind occasional cuddling."

Yuuto gasped. "Kotarou, how could you, and right in front of Mio!" He pulled her into a tight embrace, stroking head. "There, there. You don't need him."

"Uh, it'th fo Tathuki–"

He released her head at once and stared at Kotarou.

Kotarou shrugged. "What? I know he's not the usual dating type, but he's a man too, he needs some affection–why are you laughing? Seriously–what? Is it because of the cuddling?"

To his chagrin even Mio began to giggle as Yuuto roared.

"Tatsuki cuddling!" he howled.

"What! He likes it! He even told me last night!"

The laughing stopped abruptly.

"Wait–you mean that Tatsuki _asked_ you to find him a girl?" Yuuto asked slowly.

"Yes–well no, but I'm sure that he wants one!"

"But he told you that he likes to _cuddle_...?"

"...sort of." Kotarou sighed. "Well maybe he didn't _say_ it, but their's no other way..."

"Okay, what happened? Don't leave out any details."

Kotarou rolled his eyes. "He just came into my room last night and without any warning he– hugged me."

He found himself unexpectedly flustered when Mio's cheeks tinged pink, her eyes wide.

Yuuto drew up slowly to his full height and glanced at Mio.

"Do you think you could give us a few minutes?"

She nodded, startled and watched as Yuuto wrapped an arm around Kotarou's shoulders leading him away.

"Wh–what are you doing!" he demanded.

"Tatsuki hugged you?" Yuuto asked.

"Y–yes."

"Why?"

"H–he–"

"Did he say anything?"

"He–back off!" He shoved Yuuto away, irritated by his hushed closeness. It wasn't such a big deal. "He just wanted someone to hold for a second! That's all! Why does it matter!"

"He said that?"

"He said it was what he wanted!"

"...he hugged you... and then said it was what he wanted?"

"Yes." Yuuto's eyes began to bug out of his head. "Which is why I'm trying to find a him a girlfriend," Kotarou said.

Yuuto shut his eyes and shook his head, his lips twisting after a moment into an amused smile.

"Oh, Kotarou," he sighed.

"Look, I know you don't get it, but he's my cousin, and he–well he hasn't been the same. Not for a long time and I want to help him. Without him having to ask, because he never asks."

"You think this will help him?" Yuuto asked.

Kotarou nodded.

"He's lonely."

Yuuto's grin broadened. That was weird, it looked almost sinister.

"I know I shouldn't, but there is this girl I know who wouldn't mind."

"Really?"

"In fact, I'm pretty sure you could ask _any_ of the girls in our school. It _is_ Tatsuki after all."

"Oh right."

AN: next chappie on the way soon, please review!


	3. Chapter 3

AN: hello again! First of all I just want to apologise for the long wait. Sorry, I just started college and I've been very busy. BUT, I have this week off and plan on finishing this short story while I'm free. (Ah, how I've missed the boys!) Unfortunately there is only one chapter left to go, but that just means there's more to come later! Thanks soooo much to everyone who reviewed! Please continue to do so and enjoy chapter three!

**Chapter 3**

Yuuto was laughing. He was trying very hard not to laugh, in fact barely the tinge of a smile was visible on his face, but _inside_ the bastard was laughing, and Tatsuki was trying equally hard not to smash the smile from existence.

He glanced back down at Kotarou, his eyes wide and glinting brightly in the way they always did when he was nervous, but today that only made his predicament worse.

"So, what do you think? I'm sure you'll like her."

Yuuto dropped his arm around the boy playfully.

"Yeah, we picked her out just for you," he said.

Bastard.

Kotarou's smile faltered a little when Tatsuki made no move to see the picture or answer, and god help him, it looked like he needed Kotarou to smile today.

He snatched the photograph and turned away as Yuuto snickered.

"So tomorrow at eight?" Kotarou called after him.

Tatsuki forced himself to stop and look back at the blond from the doorway. He was excited, his cheeks flushed because he had done well. Tatsuki didn't let them see the girls picture slowly being crushed in his other hand. He bit his lip and nodded softly.

He could hear the burst of happy noise as he walked away.

All he wanted was to make Kotarou happy.

Tatsuki spent the day dreading his date and wondering which foul move had convinced Kotarou that he wanted a girlfriend and cursing because he knew exactly.

He wanted to make her hate him right away, and then he could leave it at that, but he didn't have the heart to be outright mean to a girl that Kotarou liked, therefore he needed to act subtly in order for the girl to hate him.

All he needed was a reason not to date her but unfortunately, as it turned out the girl was perfect.

She had black hair, long and tied back out of the way. Her eyes were large and her frame small. She gazed up him with the hint of a smile and before he had the chance to speak turned around.

"Yuuto told me to bring my bike," she said. For the first time Tatsuki noticed the helmet hanging from her hand and the leather jacket being pulled tightly across her form. "Wanna go for a ride?"

Unfortunately for Tatsuki he always wanted to ride.

They tore up the road for what felt like several blissfully long hours. They didn't speak, they just rode. Every now and then the girl threw him a grin and Tatsuki found himself smiling back softly from time to time.

Out of the two of them she was definitely the leader taking him to a convenient store and buying the drinks and then leading him to the bridge to drink them. It was then that Tatsuki realized how horribly his initial plan was going. He glanced at the girl–he didn't even know her name–and found himself comparing her to Kotarou.

"You don't speak much do you?" she asked. She smiled when he shook his head. "Don't worry, that's fine by me."

They fell silent again and Tatsuki cursed her again for being so perfect for him. It would have been easier to find an excuse if she was any different, but now this was going to be difficult.

He went home alone. She grinned at him and they split at the bridge which was fine by him. Lost in his own thoughts he didn't even realize when he arrived home. The lights were all off save for the lamp in the living room. He could see Kotarou's soft shadow through the curtains.

He tried to walk past the living room with out Kotarou's notice, knowing that he didn't have the energy to deal with him right now, but evidently the boy had been waiting for him.

"How was it?" he asked anxiously jumping up from his seat.

Tatsuki sighed and shook his head.

"Good," he finally said.

Kotarou's face visibly brightened.

"Really? So you're going to be a couple now?"

Again Tatsuki shook his head.

"What? Why not? I thought you said it went well."

He was getting a headache. He couldn't deal with this right now. Ignoring Kotarou's questions and prying eyes he continued walking.

"Wait!"

Kotarou followed him through the hall and all the way into his bedroom.

"Get out," Tatsuki growled.

Kotarou shook his head.

"No," he said firmly. "You're the one who said that you wanted this. I'm trying to help you."

"Kotarou." He grasped him gently by the shoulders glad for the thick fabric of his sweater and the lack of sudden visions and pushed him gently toward the door. "I don't want your help."

Kotarou stared at him, his round eyes becoming glassy as Tatsuki watched. He put out his hand stopping Tatsuki from closing the door.

"I thought this was our chance," he said flushing.

Tatsuki's whole body froze.

"What do you mean?" he asked slowly.

"I thought this was our chance to become friends again–." He whipped his face away trying to hide the tears and Tatsuki wanted to touch him more than he ever did. Even with the visions. He reached out and ran a hand gently and deeply into Kotarou's hair. Kotarou looked up at him his eyes wide, but he didn't pull away. "What went wrong tonight?"

It took a moment for Tatsuki to realize what he meant, distracted as he was by stroking Kotarou's hair. Finally he understood.

"Nothing," he said. "The girl was great. The date was fine but I can't see her anymore. I'm in love with you."

The words were out before Tatsuki could register them.

His hand slipped from Kotarou's hair as the boy stared at him.

"Tatsuki–."

Tatsuki didn't wait for his response, he pushed past him and out the door back into the night.

End of chapter three!

AN: Thanks for reading and see you soon in the next chapter! (Please review!)


	4. Chapter 4

AN: some people are so silly. I said from the very start that this was slash with Kotarou and Tatsuki, if you don't like that then don't read it!!! (Although this is the last chapter so this little note is a little late.) Here's chapter four which was supposed to be the last chapter, by the time you get to the end you will realize that is not the case. (I didn't want to rush them!) I hope that you like it! I didn't expect this much of a response when I started this, really it was just an excuse to read what I wanted to by writing it. Because I never expected reviews for this story, every singe one means a tremendous amount. (By the way, ANGRYREADER, you amuse me. . )

Sorry for the wait

Chapter four

"Alright, what's wrong?"

"Huh?" Kotarou looked up at Yuuto dazedly.

"You've been in a daze all morning."

"Have I?"

With a sigh Yuuto dragged the chair from the nearest desk and sat facing him. "What happened?" he asked, "and be detailed."

Kotarou looked away. He wouldn't be able to hide it for long, Yuuto always had a way of knowing, but he would keep it for as long as he could. Tatsuki wouldn't want anyone else to know. Judging by his behaviour, he hadn't even wanted Kotarou to know.

It was almost funny. Tatsuki had hated him for so long that he'd grown use to the coldness of his cousin. Perhaps because he had been content on his own before, he hadn't cared, and now he was lonely enough to actually believe he was in love. _And with me_, Kotarou thought.

That was clearly desperation. Kotarou wasn't enough of a fool to think his cousin would ever lie, but nothing else would make him think that. He hadn't even come to school today. Was he cursing himself somewhere for being so careless with his words?

"Kotarou?"

"It's nothing," he said quickly. This was something that he had to deal with on his own.

All day he could feel Yuuto's eyes boring into him in his piercing way and knew that his friend wasn't fooled. He practically ran from the school and found himself slowing dramatically as he neared home, but Tatsuki wasn't there. He searched the kitchen, washroom and Tatsuki's bedroom (the only places that he ever went) and finally collapsed in the living room. He didn't have the energy to do anything but wait.

He groaned. This was getting ridiculous. He was avoiding his best friend and Tatsuki was avoiding him. If his grandfather had never died, then none of this would be happening. God, Tatsuki _loved_ him? Somehow it was hard to breathe when he thought about it. It was better than being hated by him though, wasn't it? In fact, he sort of wanted Tatsuki to—

_RING!_

Kotarou jumped.

His heart thundering against his ribs he snatched up the phone before it could ring again.

"Hello?!" he demanded.

"Oh. Hi Kotarou, you startled me." Mio laughed on the other end.

"S–sorry," he said.

"Are you okay?" she asked. "We were supposed to go home together, but Yuuto said you took off running?"

"Uh, yeah. I totally forgot. Sorry Mio." This wasn't right. He was always glad to talk to her but now... why did he feel so guilty?

"It's okay. Are you alright?" she asked. He was suddenly overcome by the urge to tell her what had happened, tell her that he was confused.

"What do you think about Tatsuki?" he asked.

"Huh? Tatsuki?"

"Do you think–do you think he actually–?"

"Did something happen?" she suddenly asked.

The question somehow shocked him into silence. He remembered with frightening clarity the way Tatsuki had looked him in the eyes, as though he was being tortured. As though Kotarou was doing it to him. He couldn't breathe.

"Kotarou? What's wrong? Should I come over?"

He shook his head fervently and wiped his stinging eyes.

"N–no." he said firmly. "Don't come over."

"But you're crying–"

"Mio, I–I think we shouldn't see each other for a while."

There was a long silence.

"What?" she asked quietly.

"I–don't get me wrong, I'm not breaking up with you, i just–,"

"Then what?"

"I think it's making it worse for him."

"For who?!" she demanded. Her voice was shaking.

"For Tatsuki," he whispered.

His words were ahead of him. He hadn't even thought that far, but it was true; he needed to speak to Tatsuki, to have him confirm that he hadn't meant it. Otherwise being with Mio...

He didn't want Tatsuki to make that face again.

But of course he wouldn't. Kotarou would speak to him and show him that he hadn't meant it. Tatsuki might even brush it off.

"Just until i speak to him. He's confused." _I'm confused._

The phone began to beep, startling him and it was a moment before he realized that she'd hung up.

Had he really just done that? Had he dumped the best girlfriend in the world for the worst cousin? His heart dropped at the thought. He should call her back–no, he should clear things up with Tatsuki and then call her back.

He sat back down in his previous spot but found himself on his feet again in minutes pacing the empty living room.

If only Grandpa was here.


	5. Chapter 5

well, here it is... THE FINAL CHAPTER!!!!!!!!! thank you for joining in the ride!!! I may add an epilogue with Yuuto, but if not, don't worry I'll still be in the fandom. Thank you guys for everything! I'm sooo glad for any one that has enjoyed this as much as i have. MWAH!

Chapter 5

Tatsuki was cursing Kotarou. This was an easy thing to do as he'd spent much of the past few years cursing him. But even more than that he was cursing himself. He couldn't stop thinking about him, and sneaking into the house without seeing the boy was out of the question when he was sleeping in Tatsuki's bed.

Tatsuki stared for some time at the blond, who clearly had passed out unintentionally on top of his bed. He had been waiting for him it seemed, and he was frowning in his sleep.

Tatsuki cursed quietly but Kotarou, operating on bat senses still heard and opened his eyes.

Kotarou looked at Tatsuki blankly. Tatsuki froze.

"You!" he suddenly shouted jumping to his feet. "Where were you?!"

"Out."

"Out?" Kotarou's eyes narrowed angrily. "Do you think that's a good enough answer? I was waiting all day!"

"No one asked you to," he replied. He walked calmly past the boy, ignoring the magnetic force that was making him want to walk straight toward him instead.

Kotarou grabbed his arm and he yanked it immediately away.

For a moment Kotarou gazed at him, his eyes wide, then suddenly he bowed his head. All of his energy seemed to drain at once.

"Why would you say it?" he asked quietly.

"What?" Tatsuki asked startled.

"Yesterday," he said. He looked up at Tatsuki, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "Why would you say it when it's such a lie?"

Tatsuki stared.

"You don't _like_ me," Kotarou said. "You don't want me around you, you don't even want me to _touch_ you, you don't _love_ me!"

The tears were suddenly pouring down his face. Tatsuki reached out to him but Kotarou slapped his hand away.

"Why would you say such a lie? Just to confuse me?!"

Tatsuki stepped forward.

"You think I'm lying?" he demanded. All this time, holding back, holding back, and Kotarou didn't believe him? "You–you're all I want–all I've wanted all this time–." Kotarou backed away but Tatsuki grabbed him. Right now he didn't care about visions or repercussions he would show him how honest he was.

He wrapped his arms tightly about his prey and squeezed him until he was flush against his body. Kotarou squeaked and tried to pull away, but Tatsuki pushed him back until they both flopped onto the bed. He held back a groan, for once ignoring the blonds pleadings and doing what he really wanted.

"I want you," he whispered, and at once Kotarou stopped struggling. "Why do you think I don't want you to touch me?"

And he leaned down, pressing his lips deeply into Kotarou's. He could feel their hearts thudding together and forgot about things like breathing until Kotarou gently pushed him and they broke apart.

Kotarou kept his firm hands pressed into Tatsuki's shoulders but Tatsuki's body didn't seem to be working and he couldn't push himself away. Instead they stared at each other.

"How long has it been?" Kotarou asked.

"Too long,"

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

With that question reality came crashing back. All this time he'd been protecting Kotarou from having to get involved with him in any way, and now what had he done? He looked down at Kotarou, his hair spread in a halo on his bed, his cheeks and lips red.

"I didn't want to hurt you," he said.

He'd really kissed him.

Instantly his body recovered from its frozen state and he pushed himself fiercely away but Kotarou was still gripping his shirt tightly.

"Tatsuki," he whispered. "You're not hurting me."

It took a long time for the meaning of those words to register in Tatsuki's mind. His heart skipping erratically he bent to ease the fear from Kotarou's eyes. This time Kotarou clumsily kissed him back.

Their mouths drifted open and they kissed and kissed, breathing coming second and only in short gasps until Kotarou held him away like he had before.

"I can't breathe," he gasped. His eyes were closed. He was hiding his face behind one arm but Tatsuki had to see it no matter how embarrassed Kotarou was. He gently pulled the boys arm away.

Suddenly Kotarou looked at him sharply and for a moment Tatsuki thought he was crying. Then he realized that the tears on Kota's face couldn't be his own.

He touched a hand to his face and found it wet with tears.

Kotarou stared at the shocked Tatsuki.

"What's wrong?" he demanded.

"N–nothing." Tatsuki looked at his cousin and suddenly he started to laugh. "Nothing. I'm just happy."

The tears wouldn't stop coming; he couldn't see.

At once Kotarou reached up and embraced his cousin deeply.

Being the boy that he was, Kotarou's eyes swelled with tears. Possibly he was feeling the same way that Tatsuki was right now. Filled with relief. Completely ecstatic. Happy for the first time in a long time. Either way, doing a simple thing had made Tatsuki happy.

Kissing Tatsuki had made him this happy, _he'd_made Tatsuki happy and that was all that Kotarou had wanted. For a long time now...

He helped his cousin more fully onto the bed and they lay down facing each other.

Kotarou gave in and cuddled closer to his dear cousin.

Tatsuki smiled almost shyly and stroked his hair.

_Yes_, he thought, _this is all I want_.

End


End file.
